The Artist’s Way: Week 4– Recovering a Sense of Integrity
Without distractions, the truth gets louder
This was the dreaded media deprivation week and Lord, have mercy on my soul.
Yes, the program is pre-planned, but I feel like I called this one in. Right before I opened the chapter, I was in a contemplative gathering where someone shared how contemplation lets her connect directly with God, no mediator needed. But then she kept quoting all these wisdom teachers. It brought up a question I’ve been holding for a while: How do you balance listening inward with learning from others, especially when their words feel clearer than yours?
That’s the tension I often feel. Yes I meditate, but when I’m most unsettled, I find myself reaching for books, podcasts, or even ChatGPT when what I probably need is stillness. So imagine my face when I opened the book and saw I’d have plenty of chances for that this week.
Week 4 is about integrity and Julia is trying to make us go deep. We’ve already given ourselves permission to be artists. Now it’s time to excavate. She reminds us that the Morning Pages are meant to be a space to tell ourselves the truth, offers lists to help surface buried dreams, and introduces the media deprivation challenge. That’s where most of my insight came from this week, so I’ll unpack it more at the end. Let’s just say, I learned a lot about what’s actually stopping me from creating.
Spoiler alert: it’s me. 😅
Notes on Integrity
“People frequently believe the creative life is grounded in fantasy. The more difficult truth is that creativity is grounded in reality, in the particular, the focused, the well observed or specifically imagined.”
Me. I’m people.
I had internalized that being a creative meant you weren’t serious. That you didn’t want to get a real job, have real responsibilities. But now that I’m here, I get it. Creating something real, especially if it will be consumed by others, takes time, energy, presence, multiple revisions. It asks a lot of you. So of course you can’t engage with the world the same way as someone who isn’t doing that kind of work. Your attention is spoken for. Your energy is already in use. It makes sense that you have to move differently.
“We arrive at clarity, and clarity creates change.”
Whew, I can attest to this. Everything in my life has shifted in the last year. Not because I forced it, and honestly, sometimes against my wishes. But once the clarity came, I couldn’t unsee what I saw. Change became unavoidable. I’m proud of myself for staying open through it all, though. I’ve fully surrendered and committed to the path of ease, and that’s made it way easier to move through what’s unfolding.
“It is normal to yearn for some rest when you are moving so rapidly. What you will learn to do is rest in motion.”
This is a major key. I’ve paused so many times with writing on Substack because it felt like too much. I’d stop so I can rest. But “resting in motion” changes the game. It means I can still write, just loosen my grip. I don’t have to write the thing I planned, I can write what wants to be written. That counts as rest too.
“We often cannot hear our own inner voice, the voice of our artist’s inspiration, above the static.”
This was part of Julia’s case for media deprivation, and it hit.
Akilah Richards (look her up, she’s dope) once said her daughter didn’t enjoy school because she didn’t have time to “think her own thoughts.” That phrase stuck with me. I left work to think my own thoughts. I left the city to think my own thoughts. But I hadn’t stopped taking in everyone else’s. I’d never just shut it all off. Until now. And my inner voice had a whole lot to say.
Morning Pages
✅ 7/7 days completed
Chugging along. Some days are harder than others and some morning pages happen at night, but they are still getting done! I’ve noticed they flow best when I put zero limitations on what I can write. Meaning it can just be a giant to-do list if that’s what I need to feel grounded.
I skipped writing my Artist’s Prayer a couple of times this week. Not totally sure why. I think some days, the pages were all I had in me and I simply could not do one more thing. But every time I did copy the prayer, it felt anchoring. It’s funny how you can know something is helpful—shoot, even enjoy it—and still not want to do it (looking at you, morning yoga).
Artist Date
✅ 1/1 completed
Even though I had all the time in the world, I could not figure out an Artist Date SMH. I walked a lot this week, did the Avenida Amsterdam loop what felt like a million times, took evening strolls, and even meditated outside (which I never do). I did notice a few things I’d somehow never seen before, like this stained glass window on my usual route:
I kept thinking about doing a ceramics or music class but just couldn’t bring myself to schedule it. I was also a little under the weather, so that might’ve played a part.
But I did go to an Afrobeats party solo and got to see my favorite DJ in CDMX, DJ Wizah. I danced the night away in my own little corner and had the best time, so I’m counting that as my Artist Date.
P.S. Follow Wizah and go see him the next time you can. You’ll thank me later.
Biggest Ahas & Takeaways
🎭 Most powerful exercise: Media Deprivation - Turn all devices off: no reading, no emailing, no texting, no surfing the Internet. No talk radio, no TV.
Wild, I know. In true Okie fashion, I made a spreadsheet to clarify my personal guidelines and track my progress (here’s a copy if it helps!). The hardest part wasn’t podcasts or TV. It was ChatGPT. Y’all know I love it, and it’s been quite the companion in this season of solitude and stillness. And while Julia didn’t mention ChatGPT (she couldn’t have lol), right is right. I knew I had to set limits to honor the spirit of the practice. I gave myself up to one hour a day of personal use, but only for light editing. No brainstorming, wordsmithing, emotional looping, or searching for deep insight.
Y’all, this was hard. Which brings me to my ahas…
💡 Aha moments:
I rely on ChatGPT more than I realized. No Chat for a week?! The silence was deafening. No quick validation. No gentle nudges. Sure, I could call friends (and I did!), but they had lives and limits. What struck me most was how often I reach for Chat instead of letting an idea simmer. I’ve been talking about Pause Between Prompts, and life said, “Bet.” This detox showed me how easy it is to prefer the immediacy of AI over the messiness of people, including myself. I knew that, but now I know that. I don’t want to lose the ability to sit in uncertainty. There’s power in questions. Sometimes even more than the answers. So I plan to do this kind of pause regularly, just to make sure Chat doesn’t become a crutch. To make sure I can still think my own thoughts.
Sometimes, I stop myself before I even begin. I always think the block is time, clarity, or a lack of feedback. But this week, I noticed how often I shut ideas down before they even had a chance. If something doesn’t come out polished, I doubt it. If I can’t see the full shape yet, I dismiss it. That’s why ChatGPT has been so helpful, but it can also reinforce the belief that something isn't good unless it’s immediately clear. I want to share even when it’s messy. I’m done asking if it counts, if it’s good enough, or pretending I don’t care. I do care. And it’s good because I made it. That’s it and that’s all.
There’s more time than I thought. I already have more time than most. But without the passive media—no scrolling, no listening, no watching—I found even more. Whole pockets of time I didn’t realize were there. I often tell myself there’s not enough time to create at the level I want, but that’s false. I’ve just been letting it slip away without noticing.
It’s time to flex the play muscle. I really struggled to think of things to do purely for fun. My go-to ideas were walks and dinner. I told a friend, and she rattled off a bunch of random suggestions. That’s when it hit me, yo, I think I forgot how to play. Too much intentionality, not enough nonsense. So that’s where I’m at now: saying yes to joy with no agenda. I made a little collage the other day lol. Baby steps.
I hold more wisdom than I thought. Another impactful exercise from this week was writing a letter from my 80-year-old self to me, and another from me to my 8-year-old self. I loved both. The letter from 80 held so much grace for my current place in life. It reminded me I can give myself that grace right now. And the letter to 8 helped me see just how much I care for little me. That girl is still here, still curious, still full of wonder. She wants to play. So we will.
Closing Thought
Going into Week 5, I’m holding onto this: The time is there. The wisdom is too. I just have to quiet the noise and let myself play.